He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
