Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
