nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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