I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
