I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
