Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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