You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm at about main and main street
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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