Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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