I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Bring me that man meat
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
