how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
