i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
