She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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