Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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