I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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