Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
