Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
