best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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