a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You took a bar mat shot.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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