I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
