If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
