It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
