Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
two words...techno handjob
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
