everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
