This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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