Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
