oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
