I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
