Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
