you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
