so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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