I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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