took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
