OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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