the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
