Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
