I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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