Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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