you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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