she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
