Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
