Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
