Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
