He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
