I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
