it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
