He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
