I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
