I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
