Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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