you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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