So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
