I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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