so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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