Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
