he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
