i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
