I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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