Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
