i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
