every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
